Sitting behind the loaded plates on our dinner table, I predicted my mom’s first question with 100% accuracy: “So, how did you do on the trigonometry test today?” Notorious for failing math classes, my brother paused from chewing his chicken wing.
I knew he’d be in trouble.
Indeed, after hearing his grade, my mom scolded: “Look at our neighbor’s kid; then look at you! She never gets anything below a 90!”
There it is again: “the neighbor’s kid,” a Chinese concept that I wish would serve a different purpose. Upon learning about their children’s unsatisfactory academic performance, Chinese parents often bring up a so-called perfect neighbor’s kid for comparison. It saddens me to see individuals raised under the shadow of “the neighbor’s kid” not able to simply enjoy exploring knowledge. They toil through years of schooling for good grades and a prestigious college’s acceptance letter at the cost of their mental well-being. Worse, some measure their self-worth by grades alone: my brother believes he’s not good enough, despite all his admirable traits outside of academics.
Instead of “the neighbor’s kid who got a good grade” at the dinner table, I suggested my parents discuss “the neighbor’s kid who sells bracelets to raise money for charity” or “who had a hot discussion with the teacher about whether animals have consciousness.” I look forward to a more vibrant and colorful dinner conversation, where families talk about their roses and thorns of the day, rather than a neighbor’s kid defined by numbers.